We Are Power Podcast
The We Are Power podcast is the podcast for your career and your life. A weekly podcast with listeners in over 60 countries worldwide where you'll hear personal life stories, top-notch industry advice, and key leadership insight from amazing role models. The podcast not only aids your personal and professional development but also delves deep into conversations around Gender Equality and Social Mobility. Each week the We Are Power Podcast will bring you a new interview from a leader within the 100,000-strong We Are Power community, hosted by Simone Roche MBE.
We Are Power Podcast
Transforming Trauma into Empowerment: Insights from a Podcast Host and Author on Empowering Change
What if confronting life’s toughest conversations could lead to healing and empowerment? In this powerful episode of the We Are Power Podcast, we sit down with Jenny Guay, host of the Why Are We Whispering? podcast, author of Howie Blend, and a passionate advocate for open dialogue around sensitive topics. Jenny shares her transformative journey, where she turned personal adversity into a mission to amplify voices often silenced by shame. Driven by her experiences, she’s created safe spaces for her stepchildren and others to openly discuss challenging issues like sexual abuse and domestic violence, emphasising the importance of courage and transparency in overcoming trauma.
But Jenny’s work doesn’t stop there. She’s also the author of Howie Blend, a children’s book that reflects diverse family dynamics, aiming to promote acceptance and understanding from an early age. As a parent, partner, and professional, Jenny shares how she navigates the delicate balance between her personal and professional life, how she overcame perfectionism, and the power of forming authentic connections.
In this episode, Jenny takes us through her journey of creating and maintaining her podcast, and why it’s so crucial to encourage open conversations around difficult topics—especially with children. She discusses the need for children to understand and appreciate diversity, and why these conversations are so important for personal and societal growth.
Here’s what we cover in this episode:
00:00 – Welcome to the We Are Power Podcast
00:46 – Introducing Jenny Guay
01:14 – The Why Are We Whispering? Podcast
03:59 – The Catalyst for Change
06:56 – Creating a Safe Space
08:32 – Defining Healing
12:49 – Challenges and Triumphs
17:54 – How We Blend: A Journey of Diversity
22:06 – Balancing Life and Work
24:28 – Looking Ahead: Future Projects
26:11 – Final Thoughts and Farewell
Tune in to hear Jenny’s inspiring insights on how facing tough conversations can spark personal and collective change. Learn how her work is helping to break the silence on difficult issues, promote diversity, and empower others to speak their truth. Don’t miss this opportunity to be part of this transformative conversation.
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Hello, hello and welcome to the we Are Power podcast. If this is your first time here, the we Are Power podcast is the podcast for you, your career and your life. We release an episode every single Monday with listeners in over 60 countries worldwide, where you'll hear personal life stories, top-notch industry advice and key leadership insight from amazing role models. As we Are Power is the umbrella brand to Northern Power Women Awards, which celebrates hundreds of female role models and advocates every year. This is where you can hear stories from all of our awards alumni and stay up to date with everything. Mpw Awards and we Are Power Never imitated, never replicated singularly wonderful, everybody's wonder girl. Today I am joined by the wonderful Jenny Gay, who is the host of the why Are we Whispering? Podcast and author, and potentially another author on the way, but we'll get to that later. How are you?
Speaker 2:I'm really, really, really good, really excited to be here.
Speaker 1:I'm excited and it has been a long time since we've known each other. But tell me, I'm really really in awe of the podcast. Tell us about the why Are we Whispering? Podcast. That's very kind, Thank you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I started why Are we Whispering? Maybe a year and a half ago, whispering maybe a year and a half ago? We're in our third season and yeah, it's kind of been a labor of love, I guess you can say, and a passion project for me. It just kind of started. It's kind of twofold really why it started. So I think eight years ago I became a stepmom, as you know, became a parent, and it opened my world to many different facets of life that I hadn't yet experienced.
Speaker 2:But one of the things that I wanted for my kids was a safe space to communicate and to be authentic, and my job as a parent is to keep them safe.
Speaker 2:But should bad things happen, should anything happen to them, I wanted them to be able to talk to me and it just kind of got me on that trajectory of thinking about, you know even, the things that happened in my life childhood, teenage, years.
Speaker 2:We all go through things that you know that you don't tell your parents or you keep kind of hush-hush to yourself.
Speaker 2:And I was just coming across loads of women who just faced some really traumatic things in their lives and never felt safe enough to tell anybody or to talk about it and what I was finding, as friends of mine were opening up throughout the years to me, was that they all had very kind of shared experiences in a lot of these aspects of their lives and I just thought, why are we not saying this stuff out loud? Why are we not sharing? And I think that oftentimes the silence is what keeps us stuck. The silence is what keeps us stuck and the the fear in saying things out loud only kind of exacerbates the trauma and um it just it keeps you in a space of of never behaving, being able to move through it and to heal. So, um, I wanted to just uh, create a podcast and a space where adults can come and tackle really hard topics around the shame and embarrassment and the uncomfortability of the things that go on in our lives and the traumas that most of us experience.
Speaker 1:You could have waited for someone else to do this podcast, couldn't you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I mean, there's always going to be someone to do the job right.
Speaker 1:But you let in and you want to be that spaces for your stepkids in the future. But was there one moment that you're like right, if not now, when?
Speaker 2:It's a great question and actually I do believe there's always a moment right, there's always a catalyst to the great things that happen in your life, um, and a moment where you make a decision on the big kind of life changing, life, moving things. And for me, um, interestingly, it was um around the time where I was, my wife and I were thinking about um expanding our family and and and doing IVF, and I hadn't spoken to anybody really about what that the genuine experience of IVF was right. Of course, I spoke to doctors and things, but they're never going to give you like the human, experience around it.
Speaker 2:So I found kind of an acquaintance that I knew through the school and she went for coffee with me and as we're sitting in the coffee shop she was going to share with me her experience and throughout that exchange she had been whispering about her IVF journey and I thought it was a bit strange.
Speaker 2:I didn't want to probe too, much and actually interestingly, she told me towards the end that their fertility issue so it was a heterosexual couple, her and her husband and the fertility issue actually sat with him. So she was whispering, I think to cover up his maybe shame or embarrassment around it. And when I came home I was talking to my wife and I just thought it's so strange that she was whispering about this amazing, magical thing that her and her husband did. There's nothing more beautiful than wanting to expand your family. Why would you not speak about that proudly and openly and with conviction? And I just thought that was really sad and that was kind of the moment where I'm like I don't know if I can curse on here, can I? I was like fuck this. I want to put let's put a megaphone to the mouth of adults everywhere who are experiencing real life events and traumas and tribulations and are too afraid to say it openly and out loud.
Speaker 1:Why is shame such a hidden, yet such a common part of our life?
Speaker 2:Oh that is a huge question. That is a huge question, I think, particularly with women, and a lot of the traumas that women experience in life particularly around sexual abuse and rape, domestic violence, coercive control because that's where most women's traumas, let's face it, are founded in a lot of those things is because the perpetrators of those crimes and of those abuse make it our shame to carry rather than theirs, and so I think women in particular, we take that on and it becomes a part of our makeup and we're trained to do that.
Speaker 1:How have you found your guests, or have your guests found you?
Speaker 2:Both, both, which has been magic, for because, um, obviously I'll have like an idea of something I want to talk about and then I'll go out and seek it out. But it's the. The best episodes that I've recorded have been with people who have come to me or friends of friends, who have said you really need to speak to this person. Um, their story's incredible. And, yeah, it's a bit of both.
Speaker 1:But that's massive credit to you for creating that space for one creating the podcast. But actually there's an art in creating that safe space for someone to open up in an environment like this. How have you done that, built that safe space?
Speaker 2:So I think, like I mentioned before, becoming a parent and being very conscious about creating that space for my kids, for my stepkids, has kind of translated over, um, and you know, in the wise words also of brené brown, who I love um just being vulnerable myself. So, um, talking about my own shared experiences, whether, whether I can directly relate to that woman or man's experience or not is kind of irrelevant because the feelings are the same. So that's the point of connection is like letting my own walls down and just feeling safe and connecting on that level the human experience and the feelings around it, rather than the event itself.
Speaker 1:Wow, how do you personally define healing? Yeah that's a good one.
Speaker 2:So I think healing the very first step, of course, in healing is being honest about what's happened to you and what you've experienced, sugar-coating things or justifying horrific things that have happened to us. And so being honest, whether it's with your internal dialogue or externalizing it out loud, obviously I would say, in healing you have to say it out loud. That's where the freedom lies and that's when your trauma loses power over you is when you say it out loud. And so that's certainly the first step. And then I think things like breath work, ice baths, like we need to get back into our bodies.
Speaker 2:It's so interesting that you asked this question because I just actually did a podcast with Josh Connolly, who's amazing, and we covered the topic of toxic parents, so parents with a personality disorder, narcissism, things of that nature. He's brilliant and he talks about how we're so conditioned to find, like, a medical solution to our problem, and he said we've got to get back into our own bodies, whether that be through breath work, ice baths. He said we've got to get back into our own bodies, whether that be through breath work, ice baths. He said dancing, shaking, like get reconnected with yourselves. And I think so much, so many, so many of us are just walking around like emotional zombies.
Speaker 1:It's interesting you're talking about. It's almost like putting a label on it. You've got to wait for that label to go on it and there you go. That's the answer. It's not the answer about. It's almost like putting a label on it.
Speaker 2:You've got to wait for that label to go on it and there you go. That's the answer, and here's the magic pill yeah, to solve the problem, it doesn't work that way.
Speaker 1:what would you say to anyone watching or listening that is really at the start of that healing journey and might not be ready for the ice bath, or or has maybe been dancing or shaking in secret? But what advice? Because it's hard.
Speaker 2:There's no sugar-coated pill for this at all right, no, there isn't, I think going back to the wise words of Brene Brown, you know being brave and being brave can be in the small things, the small things that we do for ourselves. So, whether that's telling somebody what you're carrying with you, somebody that you trust, one person, whether it's saying it out loud to yourself in the mirror, writing it down, there's so much bravery in letting it out, and that has to be the first step and that has to be that would be. My biggest piece of advice is just let it out in any way that you can.
Speaker 1:It's like a relearning. When you're, when you're at school, you need to write it, say it, shout it, sing it. It is like a relearn, isn't it?
Speaker 2:It's a relearn, but then the conflicting messaging is no-transcript. So we have to relearn what we deem to be acceptable emoting and sharing.
Speaker 1:It's interesting, we did a webinar recently on men's wellness and men's wellbeing to get rid of some of that, because it's like I got to be this, I've got to be the macho, I've got to be the swearer, I've got to be the big, I've got to be all of those stereotypes and it's. It doesn't have to be. What? Three seasons of the why we were speaking podcast what has had the biggest?
Speaker 2:impact on you.
Speaker 2:So you know we I cover some really heavy topics, um, and I think the thing that's probably impacted me the most is the work that I've done around um rape, sexual abuse, childhood sexual abuse and the long-term ramifications and societal impacts of that, and I'm in the process right now of trying to turn it into a docu-series, and the first episode that we just finished filming actually is on the rape reporting process in in the UK and how that re-traumatizes survivors and kind of you know it really deters people from coming forward, the process itself and reporting, and so it's just really opened my eyes to the reality that we're all living in but none of us want to admit around rape.
Speaker 2:And who's? You know? It's very much men. It's 98% of convicted rape and sexual abuse cases are conducted by men, and so we're missing a trick here in terms of how we're raising our boys, what we're allowing in terms of women being able to come forward and verbalize what's going on and happening to them. We're really, really missing a beat around this and there's some huge issues institutionally and systemically within the UK in terms of how our systems are set up. A lot of it's founded in misogyny. It's obviously an unpopular opinion, but it's the facts. When you look at the stats, so yeah, we've got a lot of work to do, and the first step in that is saying it out loud.
Speaker 1:What have you learned most about about yourself during these three seasons?
Speaker 2:So I think for me, growing up I was always a vocal child Shocking, I know. I always had opinions as a little girl and I was often told that I wasn't supposed to and to kind of be smaller because I was also a tall girl. Growing up to kind of shrink myself that I was at as that headstrong little girl full of conviction and seeing the importance of being that little girl again, because I think life beats us down as women and we're bombarded with messaging all the time to be this, be that, don't be this, don't be that, and just having don't be this, don't be that, and just having to be honest. I feel like I've just been, I'm exhausted with it all, so I'm just kind of like fuck it. Here we go, buckle up. I'm saying it all, I'm saying it all out loud right now and going back into that mindset of because I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to have an opinion as a child, and just kind of getting back into that an opinion as a child and just kind of getting back into that mindset.
Speaker 1:What would you say to someone who's watching today, who feels like being brave and leaning into creating their own platform to have a conversation about whatever it may be, or creating something for other people to have that conversation? What would you say to your three seasons ago self?
Speaker 2:So I think intention is everything in anything that we do, and so just being clear on what your intention is in sharing whatever it is that you're going to share, or saying whatever it is you're going to say out loud what do you want out of it, and preparing yourself for the haters haters are gonna hate, we know that and just block out the noise. And if you're strong in your conviction, you know what your intention is, just full steam ahead, go for it have you blocked out those haters?
Speaker 2:100. I've blocked it. How? I think I've just gotten to a point where it's like I've just stopped giving a shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I really have, and I'm probably too young for that, because I heard that comes like late 40s you know early 50s, but I've just, I've had enough Like the way that we're living, especially for women and even for men. It's not working for us. It's not working for us. Look at the state of our mental health, look at our politics, look at our social systems. It's a mess, you know, and I want better for my kids and I want better for their kids, and and I can't expect anything to change if I'm not willing to put myself out there and demand the change myself.
Speaker 1:Amazing. I want to go back a few years to Howie yes, talk to us about. Howie Blend and where Howie came from, because this is a whole. This is Jenny. Author.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, so when I became a parent about eight years ago now, which you know, completely, completely changed my life, um, I would say for the better, um, but what I was noticing, obviously were a same sex couple, um, and in our family dynamic, um, because there's there was a divorce that happened, and then I obviously came on the scene, so, um, and we were going to be expanding our family, so it was kind of a blended dynamic as well, and I just couldn't see any books that reflected our family dynamic.
Speaker 2:And if there were, and if there are, you really have to dig for them. So you've got to go on like LGBTQ websites, or you got to really dig through Amazon or whatever the case may be. You wouldn't go to the checkout counter at WH Smith or to the bookshelves and find a book that looks like our family. So my kids couldn't see themselves in anything that they were reading, which I thought was a massive problem. And that goes for diversity across all fields race, religion, everything. So I just decided that I was going to bring all that kind of beautiful diversity into one place and decided to create how we Blend.
Speaker 1:What was the biggest challenge in creating how we Blend?
Speaker 2:So I think, for anybody who's creating anything, even if it's just a project or you know, anything a business is getting out of the headspace of it has to be perfect. Perfection does not exist, nor do you want it to exist. That's not where the magic is. So I had to give myself permission to just complete the project and, like all of us, everything's a work in progress and if you know, I wrote a second book or turned it into something else, then I'm sure there would be another iteration of it, Right. But I just really wanted to get it done in the best way possible in that moment and to not, you know, be finicky with the small details and think that it needed to be perfect.
Speaker 1:And it's interesting because this was sort of born out of frustration of not being able to find that book. This isn't an LGBTQ plus book.
Speaker 2:This isn't you know. This is for. This is an everybody book.
Speaker 1:Yeah, an everybody book. How do you hope the learnings of Howie are taken back at home? What conversations do you hope are inspired and motivated in that home environment?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I hope the book inspires just open dialogue between parents and children because, going back to what I said previously, that's my main goal with my kids is that they feel safe to ask questions. So, whether it be about in our household and I often say it you know, the only thing that we all have that make us all the same is the fact that we're all different. So I don't mind the children saying, oh hey, you know that guy's skin is brown or they're in a wheelchair. Why are they in a wheelchair as long? Going back to again the point on intention, as long as the intention of the question is, you know, genuine and it's coming from a good place, and just genuine curiosity which children have, I welcome it and I hope that that's kind of what the book inspires in the kids reading it is to ask their parents questions and for the parents to feel comfortable to respond to the kids.
Speaker 1:You don't want to be whispering at home, right? Exactly, let's not whisper about ability or sexuality or race. Exactly, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2:Because guess what? That's the experience we're all living. We're all living that experience. That's what we're seeing on a daily basis, and so are our kids. Our kids are seeing differences everywhere, so why are we so afraid to point them out? Point them out and talk about them in a positive way, and out loud, and out loud really loud and you are a successful disruptor.
Speaker 1:You're an agent of change, you're a disruptor for good right oh thank you, that's very kind and you are married to a equally successful entrepreneur. I'm not a big fan of this whole work-life balance, you know. I think sometimes it's like it doesn't exist.
Speaker 2:It's the labels, isn't it?
Speaker 1:It's sugarcoating labels and stuff. But how do you create harmony in your world? Because is it ice baths?
Speaker 2:Because I know you've done the ice baths, haven't you? I'm?
Speaker 1:not brave enough yet to do Wim Hof.
Speaker 2:I mean it's painful at first. So you really have to train your body, your body. I'm not even gonna lie like Sam tells people oh it's amazing, I'm like it's not. It's not like it's. It's really uncomfortable and it actually physically can hurt the first couple of times you do it. So just prepare yourself. I've not committed to anything yet, jenny, jenny, but you feel amazing afterwards and that's what you're, you know. It's that the goal right?
Speaker 1:But how do you support each other when there's travel, multiple projects, kids in the mix, pets in the mix, peloton in the mix?
Speaker 2:Yeah, All of the things. It's not easy, is it? I'm not even going to sit here and be like oh, here's like the magic sauce. There isn't one. But what I'll say is that we openly communicate about what we need, to make sure that each other are getting our needs met, which I think a lot of couples miss each other on that point. And it's give and take, right. So I'll have to compromise, because she travels a lot more than I do, so I have to compromise in that sense where I might be doing more of the school pickups and the things like that, but then she'll make it up somewhere else. So it's the give and take, and if one of us is not feeling like our needs are getting met, then we sit down and we kind of just check in with each other, and we do that probably. I mean, we're two women, so you can imagine the amount of communication that happens in our houses?
Speaker 1:There's no whispering in your house, right, no, whispering no whispering Sometimes I'm like can we just? Not talk about the relationship today. Normal, yeah, if there is such a thing as normal, yeah. And what is next? We talked, you know, we talked about a potential other book in the mix.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean multi-author yeah, so I have actually written um a women's fiction novel that I've been trying to get published. Anybody who knows you know the whole kind of process and writing and everything and it's that final hurdle of getting the agent or the publisher is always the hardest part. So that's kind of I've hit a wall there. So, uh, yeah, that's kind of the. The thing I'm working on right now is is trying to find someone to take it on.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, to be honest, nothing stopped you so far. Right, yeah. What would you say is your superpower? Oh gosh.
Speaker 2:Um, oh, that's a really good question. Maybe think I'm I think I'm pretty good at allowing the space for people to feel seen when they're with me. I'm genuinely interested in people's stories and their feelings and what they have to say, um, and even with my own kids, like they come to me with some stuff that I think other parents might be a bit shocked about, but I genuinely want the people around me to feel comfortable in their own skin. So I think I'm just pretty good at maybe and maybe that starts actually my superpower is letting my own walls down first so other people can let their walls down.
Speaker 1:I love that we always look for the t-shirt and the tote bag moment in every one of our conversations, but I think if I take my walls down, then your walls are down. Yeah, thank you so much for joining me today I have loved our conversation today.
Speaker 1:Please do if you can help, if you can help Jenny on her next mission, because nothing is going to stop Jenny. Let's face it I love your intention in what you've done and what you've created, and it feels like it's this authentic vein that runs through everything that you do, from home to the podcast, to the book, to kids, to family. Thank you so much for joining me. If you want to get involved, we'll put all the details of the podcast and the Howie series in the show notes as well, and if you're a publisher, please in touch on all of the socials. Thanks for joining us today.
Speaker 2:Jenny, thank you so much for having me and thank you for the work that you're doing, because this is so important as well.
Speaker 1:It's all about having a conversation. Subscribe on YouTube, apple, amazon Music, spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Leave us a review or follow us on socials. We are power underscore net on Insta, tiktok and Twitter. We are power on LinkedIn, facebook and we are underscore power on YouTube.
